Hello.
For want of a better introduction, I am “Grump”.
Grump is a forty-something Australian who grew up on crushed Vegemite sandwiches, dreaming of bigger and better things.
As it turns out, bigger and better things come with their own set of problems.
Grump Goes Grand is the ongoing attempt of a normal bloke done good to understand the worlds of fine dining, luxury travel, boutique hotels, premium experiences and whatever else wanders into his path.
Some people arrive armed with a selfie stick, a ring light and an overwhelming desire to describe everything as “iconic”.
I tend to arrive wondering where the light switch is and whether the chair is actually comfortable.
There seems to be a common misunderstanding that Grump hates things.
This is understandable.
I do.
Particularly influencers explaining why I simply must try the latest social media sensation before it disappears forever, usually for very good reasons.
But the truth is quite the opposite.
The things that receive the longest lists of observations from Grump are usually the things worth saving.
If I spend twenty minutes explaining how I’d improve something, it’s because I can see what it could become.
The things I truly dislike rarely receive detailed criticism.
They receive silence.
Unlike a traditional critic, complainfluencer or downright prick, my observations are built on a simple premise:
I may not like the dishes, but I can enjoy the dinner.
I may not like the pillows, but I can enjoy the room.
I may not like every part of the experience, but the question remains:
Would I do it again?
Everything on this site ultimately comes back to that.
Sometimes the answer is yes despite the flaws.
Sometimes the answer is no despite the marketing.
And occasionally the answer is so obvious that only two words are required.
It was good.
For those who know me, this is the highest compliment available.
For everyone else, context may be required.
Welcome to Grump Goes Grand.
Luxury. Meet Common Sense.