Welcome to Grump Goes Grand.

A publication dedicated to answering an increasingly important question:

Has luxury become detached from reality?

Over the years, Grump has found himself in places he never expected to be.

Five-star hotels.

Fine dining restaurants.

Business class lounges.

Wine tastings.

Boutique retreats.

The sort of places that describe a leaf as “a seasonal culinary expression” and charge accordingly.

The problem is that Grump grew up on crushed Vegemite sandwiches and still occasionally asks questions that nobody else in the room seems willing to ask.

Questions like:

• Why does a hotel room require an engineering degree to operate the lights?
• If dinner costs $400, why am I considering a kebab afterwards?
• Why does the lounge have facial mist but no spare phone chargers?
• Has anyone involved in designing this actually used it?

This is not a luxury blog.

It is not a travel blog.

And it is certainly not an influencer blog.

Nobody here is describing everything as “iconic”, “life-changing” or “a must-do experience”.

Instead, Grump Goes Grand documents what happens when an ordinary bloke collides with extraordinary experiences.

Sometimes they are magnificent.

Sometimes they are ridiculous.

Often they are both.

The goal isn’t to tell you whether something is good or bad.

The goal is to answer a much simpler question:

Would I do it again?

If the answer is yes, you’ll hear about it.

If the answer is no, you’ll hear about that too.

And if something “needs garlic”, don’t worry.

That’s usually a compliment.

Welcome aboard.

Pull up a chair.

The waiter will be with you shortly to explain the emotional journey of the lettuce.